Back Cover: … Is marriage a command from God for today? Is singleness a gift from God? This book addresses all of these and many other questions. It looks into the contemporary church, at a marriage and family focused culture, with the intent of working toward a better biblical understanding of where singleness belongs in God's family. What is certain is that God loves and values those who are unmarried or childless or from broken marriages or broken families as much as he does those who are married with children. Yet many single people are alienated from the church. ~~~~~ Contents: Introduction Families and singles in the church A conversation The big picture in Australia Chapter 1: A Review of “Being Single” Historical–sociological overview Pre-Christian Celts Christian influence The Reformation – Europe The British Isles – Puritans The British Isles – “Christian humanism” Influence of capitalism The Victorian novel Declining influence of the church 1960 to the present The church's response to social change Consequences for single people A biblical perspective of singleness Modelling a way forward Review summary Chapter 2: Secular Wisdom and God's Wisdom Social change Underlying issues God's higher wisdom The omission of the cross An illustration of what God says Effect of marriage on well-being Contrast of the secular approach Social philosophies Spectrum of secular ideas Problems at both ends Starting at the centre The church – precious to God Enemies of God and His people The well-being of the church Building on the rock Chapter 3: Foundations Defining love Factors influencing change Two distinct approaches A biblical approach A secular approach Detrimental to the church Marriage and families replacing Christ Building blocks of society Foundational institution of society Foundation of society A flourishing society Holding nations together The greatest hope of humanity Flow-on effect Love within families The converse situation Detrimental to marriage and families Chapter 4: A Broader View Elements of marriage The natural family The family and persecution As goes the family, so goes the nation Members of our household Link between self and family The measure of faith Looking to the future What is normal? Chapter 5: The Image of God A significant concept The image of God Attributes Implications Relevance today Classifying the interpretations A relational view A functional view A substantive view Interpretations of Genesis 1:27 Included in the image of God Not included in the image of God The image of the invisible God Diverse interpretations What the image of God does not mean Chapter 6: An Overview of God's Plan Overview – the Fall God's promises to Abraham Moses and the Passover God's promise to David Prophecy Foretelling fulfilled The outcome of God's plan The first Adam and the last Adam Hope of Israel Reflection Chapter 7: The Beginning and the 'Last Days' Natural then spiritual The last days A new birth A different perspective on family No longer alone Helper Alone does not mean single Fruitfulness No exemption The family of God is one body A greater blessing Slavery and freedom Chapter 8: Dealing with the Cause Trusting that God is good Ministry of reconciliation Delight in God's law Categories of biblical law Revealing sin Our inability to fully observe God's law Following God's law A social trend Progression A pressing concern Prior to the change The change and the response Initiation of the problem Impact on singleness Shield of faith The contemporary situation Self-perpetuating cycle Chapter 9: Being Single in God's Family Is being single a gift? When God gives Not a spiritual gift Evaluating the interpretations The world's misleading wisdom Looking further God chooses us The wedding banquet God chooses the lowly People of faith Seeing things differently The psalmist's experience Tough love Chapter 10: Closing Reflections The dilemma Oblivious Ambient acceptance New challenges Looking forward God's guidance Final word ~~~~~ Introduction p15 … “Someone should write something about this” was a nagging thought that would recur from time to time. One of those occasions was after I had been communicating for a while with a young woman interstate, who I had become acquainted with through a friend in Sydney. She had written to me about her deep feelings of abandonment within the church. She had previously been married and experienced great love and support in her church fellowship. The stark contrast of how she, as a single person in her thirties, was now received, had left her feeling isolated and disillusioned. This heartfelt expression of her feelings and emotions resonated within me. Not because I had previously experienced life within a church fellowship as a married person, but I had observed and experienced how single people were often treated differently. Naturally, married people and single people often have different interests and socialise in different ways, but the real issue was something deeper. Having worked and lived in numerous regions across two states for several years, I had enjoyed the fellowship of various churches of different denominations as I was transferred from place to place. Always in a church, some would be very supportive of single people, but often something rooted deep within the church culture and mindset made a single person feel they did not fit in. I was beginning to experience this feeling more and more as time went on. I have since returned on a more permanent basis to my home state of South Australia. Here, over a period of several years, I experienced a few instances of what seemed to be over-exuberant support for the position of marriage and families within the church. The unintended consequence was to devalue the position of single people. Jesus, however, inspires honour for both singleness and marriage (Rom 12:10). To Him, single people are loved and valued no less than any other ... ~~~~~ Chapter 1 p26 … The background and insights presented by Wilson provide a good basis on which to continue the conversation relating to singleness within the church. To facilitate further discussion, this chapter summarises and reviews some of the main points made by Wilson ... ~~~~~ Chapter 2 p43-4 …Fleur Hourihan's (2023) NCLS report, Australian Singles – A Church and Community Comparison [the 'NCLS Report'] examines the number of people attending churches in Australia in each of the years in which the survey was conducted. It reveals the proportions of people differentiated by their marital status within the Australian church community. Comparing these results with the national census data, the NCLS Report shows that single people are under-represented within the Australian church compared to their corresponding demographic within wider Australian society. Even taking de facto marriage relationships into account, single people are still significantly under-represented within the church. This is particularly evident in the middle years from approximately thirty-five to sixty-five years of age. Even though not all single people are alienated from the church, these statistics suggest that many are. An important question to ask is: why is this occurring and how can it be remedied? ... ~~~~~ Chapter 3 p78 … Firstly, it is noted that the greatest concern resulting from the social change since the 1960s and 1970s has been the increased breakdown of marriages and families. This, in itself, gives sufficient reason to suggest that families are unsuitable as the foundation of society as they are susceptible to breaking down. Marriage and families are good within themselves; however, society needs a more stable foundation than the one that families can provide. God's word tells us that Jesus' kingdom that we are inheriting cannot be shaken (Heb 12:28). Christ and His word are a stable foundation on which a society can be built (Heb 1:3). In recent decades our society has built on foundations, other than Christ. Only through Christ can the cause of the problems associated with the social change be addressed ... ~~~~~ Chapter 4 p96-7 … Secular philosophers conclude that if we focus on building up families, concentrate our attention on supporting families and generally exalt the position of families within society, we will be building up our nation. However, within the church, we should look beyond human thoughts and wisdom and look to what we learn from God's wisdom ... If, as God's word tells us, it is Jesus, the Son of God, in whom all things hold together and who sustains all things by His powerful word (Col 1:17; Heb 1:3), then families, communities and nations are all built up by the same honour for God and by abiding by the same word of God. We need to carefully identify what is the cause and what is the effect. Is focusing on families the cause of a nation being strong, or is focusing on the powerful word of God the cause, with strong nations, communities, individuals and families being the effect? ... ~~~~~ Chapter 5 p116-7 … The observation by Erickson that no direct statements in scripture define the image of God helps to explain why different people reach vastly different conclusions about what this term means. The objective of this chapter is not to reach a definitive resolution of what is meant by the image of God. Rather, three important outcomes relevant to our broader discussion on marriage, families and singleness are being pursued. The first is simply to acknowledge the diversity of interpretations. The second outcome is to recognise the large impact that each different interpretation of the image of God, and of Genesis 1:27, can have in understanding matters related to marriage, family and singleness. Thirdly, in the context of our discussion, understanding what 'the image of God' does not mean is a more profitable and obtainable outcome than attempting to understand what it does mean ... ~~~~~ Chapter 6 p135 … Adam and Eve were the first married couple and, together with their children, formed the first family. Since then, marriages and families have followed the pattern they set. The secular approach of placing hope in marriage and families to build a community or nation places hope in the temporal pattern set by the first Adam. However, the message given to the church is that the hope of humanity lies only with the spiritual pattern set by the 'last Adam' ... ~~~~~ Chapter 7 p147-8 … The contemporary church’s understanding of Genesis 2:18, “it is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him”, impacts on how issues relating to marriage, families and singleness are viewed. What does it mean to not be alone? Does this mean that singleness is “not good”? Is God saying that marriage and having a family is more pleasing to Him than singleness because marriage is “good”? Did God's intention for Adam refer to him being married or to him belonging to the resultant community and therefore not being alone? In the contemporary church in Australia, in my experience, it is not uncommon for the interpretation of Genesis 2:18 to be that, in God's view, it is 'not good' for a person to be single. Therefore, it is concluded that marriage and having a family is, in God's view, 'good' and more pleasing to Him than singleness. I would even suggest that, in the pews at a local church level, this interpretation of Genesis 2:18 is one of the most common theological reasons used for the undue elevation of the position of marriage within the contemporary church. However, this interpretation, and the conclusion that marriage and having a family is more pleasing to God than singleness, should be questioned. It does not give regard to Jesus’ words that we are never alone because he is with us always if His Spirit dwells within us. It also overlooks the apostle Paul's teaching when he advises some that it is good to not be married (1Cor 7:8) ... ~~~~~ Chapter 8 p168 … Godly marriage and families are good within themselves, as are romance and a love story. However, when secular literature paints a picture of marriage or families as the desired destination and purpose in life, it starts losing perspective. When our desire for something that has been created and has been given to us is greater than for the creator and giver of these good things, our desire is misplaced. This also applies when our ultimate purpose is found in what has been created rather than in the one who created it ... ~~~~~ Chapter 9 p187 … Self-control and faith are both spiritual qualities: it is feasible that both can be, and are, given by God as a gift to those in His family. However, singleness is a temporal characteristic. The reference made by contemporary theologians and commentators to the 'gift of singleness' is more in keeping with the description of either the gift of continence (or self-control) to which the apostle Paul referred or to the spiritual gift of faith in a single person. Clarifying this helps to avoid any misunderstanding, because, in my experience, confusion often arises when reference is made to 'the gift of singleness'. At a local church level, this is most often taken to mean that the physical status of singleness is a gift from God ... ~~~~~ Chapter 10 p214-5 … Marriage and families are important and will continue to be a part of our temporal identities and our natural communities in this world until Christ returns (Mat 24:37-39; Luke 17:26-30). The biblical expectation of agape love within our marriage and family relationships remains as high as it has always been. However, they are not the primary purpose for which Jesus has called us. Under the New Covenant, it is those born of the Spirit of God, with faith in Jesus, the Messiah, who are the family of God. Neither being married nor being single has any bearing on whether we, like Paul, are able to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus has taken hold of us ... ~~~~~